Friday, November 1, 2013

A Month Gone By

I can hardly believe how October has rolled right by. Tonight starts my second weekend of yoga training, so of course I'm spending my afternoon doing all my homework, completely last minute. Here's where practicing ahimsa is a challenge. I started out the month with great intentions, to finish my homework a little at a time and to really spend quality time studying. While I did do some reading and writing, I largely didn't meet my goal. And that's okay. A little bit is better than none at all (and even none at all is okay). So I'm trying to be kind to myself while holding space for improvement next month.

What's really held me up this month has been job stress. It's been a major period of adjustment for me at work, and the business itself is going through a lot of transition, which all adds up to no solid daily routine for me yet. Starting next week, I expect to be on a much more stable schedule, and I've made some decisions about my daily life to help me feel less rushed and to take back some power over my days. Mon-Thurs, I start work at 1pm. I'd love to have a great, productive morning every day, but it's become obvious that waking up at 8am is not going to happen on a regular basis right now. Instead, I'm resolving to save all of my errands for Fridays, when I generally have the day off. Mornings before work will be reserved for yoga, reading, writing, and preparing food. By taking the pressure off myself to Get Everything Done (because I have so much free time! Not.), I can go to work feeling relaxed and ready for the day, rather than like I've already squandered time. In other words, I'm resolving to be kinder to myself at least four days out of every week.

The other (and frankly, a bit larger) challenge to my month of kindness has been my boss. When she gets stressed out, or makes decisions I don't agree with, my thoughts are very much less than kind. I vent with a couple of my coworkers, or complain to my partner when I get home, and I think a certain level of release is okay. That frustration can't stay inside me. But still, as calm as I stay on the outside (because I will not feed into stress, panic, or negativity), I need to bring that calmness and kindness inside. Judging my boss' decisions get me nowhere, even if I'm right. She's another human being, and as such, I can practice being kind (and truly, I need practice) in my thoughts as well as my actions.

Here's to practice making better.

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