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Monday, June 11, 2012

Thing 1

I need a thing. This is not the post I intended to write today, but it's something that presses on my mind. The writers that I admire- hell, the people I admire- all have a thing. A passion, a calling, a vocation, a hobby, whatever you call it. It's a thing.

Perhaps I've given up my thing. My thing used to be dancing. I still love it. I still feel moved toward it and by it. Through my own circumstances and the mental blockades I've erected, I haven't felt that movement in some months, a couple years even. When I get back on the dancefloor with a partner, it's so effortless to just feel the flow move through me. Why did I ever allow anything, even myself, to keep me from that?

Sometimes I feel the pressure to have the right thing. Community development and sustainable living are my "trade,"at least by educational standards. I feel like those should be my "things." I do stay involved in them, engaging in volunteer work or adopting new practices at home. Achieving the flow in this field is harder to come by, though. I don't feel confident or competent enough to let it go and trust my own groove, like I do on the dancefloor. I can only hope these things come in time.

And now, I have writing, which I am trying to make into a thing. Can we have so many things? So many passions, so many callings? I'm wondering if by pursuing more than one, I strengthen them all (like cross-training), or I detract from them by scattering my focus. Who knows. I'm going with the first option because I like it better. It's more positive.

This summer, I'm retrieving my things.

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