I had one of those "uh, duh" moments today. I got myself out of the house and attended two classes at the Y back to back. The first was an intense cardio and strength interval class, and the second was yoga.
Within the first ten minutes of my first class, it hit me. I am competitive. I am social. I enjoy physical challenges. Why haven't I been taking these classes all along?! No wonder I can't motivate myself to go strength-train by myself. I need competition to push me forward. When I'm there by myself, I'm far too conscious of my actions- not self-conscious, just thinking of the silliness of picking up heavy things in different ways over and over again.
It seems lately, I'm doing better at shedding whatever protective skin that has been hiding me from myself. The realizations I have about myself are not new, they are simply rediscoveries of my childhood traits. Instead of trying to grow out of them, I need to revel in them. Have you ever peeled away a layer of yourself to be reminded of something you always knew? I plan to embrace my rediscovery. I will not try to hide behind indifference just because I don't feel skilled enough. I will bust my ass to win. Should I fall short, no one can fault me- after all, I busted my ass.
Probably, I won't be able to avoid having another "duh" moment in my life, but I would like to. I want to avoid them by reconnecting with my core qualities, reminding myself of the joys that I've always found in life, and continuing to try new things and awaken new loves.